Wonder Woman Movie Review | “She stops bullets with her bracelets” | #GeeksWithForks

I really, really, wanted to like the Wonder Woman movie. I read a lot of glowing reviews about the movie and they peaked my interest. It didn’t take long for me to lose interest in the movie. About 10 minutes in, I rolled my eyes to crap that was slowly unfolding in front of my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, Wonder Woman is not the dumpster fires that Man of Steel and Batman VS Superman are…it’s a slight improvement. It’s not a great movie like the majority of people are claiming it is. The movie is nowhere close to great.

Also, stop with the Marvel movie comparisons. Wonder Woman is not on par with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Even Marvel’s worst movies (Thor and Thor2) are way better than Wonder Woman.

 

  • Did the first act of the movie have to be so damn dramatic?
  • She can stop bullet with her bracelets.

  • We are introduced to the the “badass” Amazons that really don’t do much but jump around shooting arrows and doing unnecessary acrobatic stunts for dramatic effect.

This scene was dope though.

  • Diana’s mom is ANNOYING! The Amazons are a warrior race. She’s afraid of Ares finding her daughter, so instead of preparing her daughter to fight, she decides to keep her daughter from learning how to fight.
  • The whole prophecy of Diana killing Ares to “end the war” just doesn’t make sense, because she actually kills Ares and it changes NOTHING! Who the hell is prophesying on Mt. Olympus? Step into my office! YOU’RE FIRED!
  • As worried as Diana’s mother was about Ares finding Diana, Ares did give a damn about Diana. HE WASN’T EVEN LOOKING FOR HER! Diana’s mother was doing Ares a favor. She may have been queen of the Amazons, but she wasn’t very wise at at all.
  • I could have sworn Chris Pine was Brendan Fraser.

  • Did you know that Wonder Woman can stop bullets with her bracelets?

  • Could they have made the stereotypes any more obvious? A Native American, living in the woods of England, dressed in “traditional” Native American gift shop garb who spoke with unnecessary, dramatic pauses. The Irishman (who was pretty much useless) dressed in a kilt, and an ambiguous foreigner who spoke multiple languages who basically played up any stereotype the scene called for.
  • Am I the only person that didn’t care about ANY of the characters?
  • Was that Chris Pine or Brendan Fraser from the Mummy?
  • *PEW* *PEW* <blocking bullets with my bracelets.>

  • Amazons may have been great warriors, but fighting in bikinis with metal trim is just not smart.
  • Even my half-german girlfriend was trying to find any German characters in the movie. Keep in mind, the bad guys were “German”.
  • I hope Brendan Fraser’s character is half American because his British accent was non-existent. He did barely pull off a German accent later in the movie.

“Brendan Fraser, are you British?”

  • The movie had no direction. It didn’t know what story it wanted to tell.
  • Hey guys! Wonder Woman can stop bullets with her bracelets.

  • Warner/DC found a way to include Bruce Wayne into the movie.
  • Yes, Wonder Woman had her “Martha” moment. Her moment was just as absurd as the BvS moment.
  • So Ares, THE GOD OF WAR, really stopped in the middle of a fight with Wonder Woman, to let her and Brendan Fraser have a sentimental moment.
  • Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Ares, The God of War!

  • The whole Ares plot was pointless. Nothing was resolved at the end.
  • Speaking of the ending, she just gonna let the villain, who was responsible for killing THOUSANDS, get away?!?! Showed her mercy? WTF did I just watch?
  • Did anyone else notice how fast those boats made it to the shore? Those ROWboats! They magically teleported to the shore.
  • First time I ever seen someone drown and not cough up water, or have the water removed from their lungs. He immediately started breathing.
  • In fact, why the hell did Brendan Fraser just stop trying to free himself, just to stare up through the water at Diana?
  • Was this movie supposed to me a comedy?
  • Did they really need to have her stop bullets with her bracelets, in slow motion, EVER DAMN TIME!? We get it. She can stop bullets with her bracelets. You don’t have to slow it down every time for us to see. Yes. Yes they did.
  • Soooooooo Diana didn’t know what a dress was, but there were Amazons wearing gowns in the beginning of the movie?
  • Do I need to remind you that Wonder Woman can stop bullets…with her bracelets?!
  • This movie had the most worthless sidekicks in history – a sniper that was afraid to shot. A Native American who’s very proficient in making smoke signals instantly. Oh, and that other guy.
  • This movie followed the same structure as Man of Steel, just with Wonder Woman.
  • Bracelets. Block. Bullets. In. Slow. Motion.
  • During the bunker scene, why did the soldiers continue to jump IN the bunkers after they were cleared of enemies if the intention was to advance on the battlefield? If you look closely, some of them were jumping into the bunkers and then climbing right back out while others simply ran around the bunkers. Waste of time and energy if you ask me.
  • Bracelet bullet block!

  • Soooooooooo everybody in 1918 spoke perfect English?
  • If Wonder Woman can jump across canyons, why did she need help jumping into the tower. Also, if she was just going to destroy the tower anyway, why just not do it from the bottom, which would not require having to leap into harms way?
  • Did anyone see any Asian Amazons? (I’m playing devil’s advocate with this one.)
  • Where the hell was she leaping to at the end of the movie?

Where was she going?

Ultimately, Wonder Woman is a great character in a so-so movie with many flaws. 

Better luck next time DC!

 

Jon

Gamer / Blogger / Alien / Old School / Social Media Shaman / Collector of Thoughts / Czar of Cynicism / Keeper Of Useless Information

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